Depression

Dah lebih dari seminggu penyakit malas bermaharajalela dalam diri I. Resah gelisah, gundah gulana. Jantung I dup dap dup dap macam nak kena heart attack. I really feel demotivated. Bangun pagi, instead of ucap "Alhamdulillah"..my first word "Oh God, another day to go...".

I sedar, something is wrong with me. This is not normal. So, I pergi jumpa doktor yg tak hensem and he told me I got depression. (Bayar consultation fee plus ubat which cost me nearly RM400..make me more depress huk huk huk....)

Selama ini, I keep telling my self, am ok, am happy here...but deep inside no, am not. I cant keep myself from thinking of my dad kat kampung.

Kalau boleh I malas nak tulis pasal ni kat my blog, I tak nak menangis masa tulis. Tapi hari ni, I rasa I dah tak boleh tahan lagi. My dad got Alzheimer last September. My hubby and I balik sebulan tengok dia. Sekarang dia kat kampung. My mom meninggal 7 tahun yang lalu dan I anak tunggal. Memang ada upah orang jaga my dad kat kampung dan ada orang yang hantar makanan setiap hari. Tapi I still cannot keep myself from thinking of him and worry about him. My dad pulak tak nak duduk rumah adik adik dia.

Awal November lalu, I balik seminggu untuk jengukkan my dad. (I balik sorang). Memang la rasa puas hati dapat jaga dia sendiri, tapi, kat sana I miss my hubby very much. I really wish he was there by myside. Honestly, I memang tak sanggup tengok keadaan my dad macam tu and I need my hubby to support me.

I jadi serba tak kena. Bila I balik kampung, I ingatkan my hubby. He needs me and I need him too. Bila I kat sini (Abu Dhabi), I ingatkan my dad. Masa I kecik I ditatang bagai minyak yang penuh, bila dia tua, I cant be by his side. It is really hard to choose between two men in my life. I cant be at two places at on time. If only I can split myself into two... Nak ulang alik selalu, tak mampu... Abu Dhabi-KL bukan nya dekat. Tiket beribu ribu. I know, I need to learn more about 'tawakal'. How I wish I can find an ustaz or ustazah here and talk to me about 'tawakal and redha' (time macam ni baru tau nak cari ustaz...dulu masa senang tak ingat!). I betul betul stress.

To all my blogger friends, Bella, BIG, Mama Irdina, Lee, Noel, Ard, DBI, Azalia, Sam dan ramai lagi, thank you very much for cheer up my life in cyber world. Temankan I merapu meraban dalam blog blog. At least, I tak lah fikirkan sangat masalah I. Walaupun tak pernah jumpa, tapi rasa cam u all dekat jer...

To Ibu Irfan&Dalili, thank you very much for lending your ears dengar keloh kesah i tru phone berjam jam.

And zillion thanks for my beloved hubby for being very understanding with my situation right now. Dah banyak hari I tak masak, order saja. Kalau masak pun tak sedap, tapi dia tetap makan. Rumah sepah macam tongkang pecah pun dia tak marah.. (kalau dia marah, sure I lari balik kampung..dia jugak kena tinggal sorang sorang kat sini).

Thanks everybody for your support...luv u.